Dreams

For God's Sake!

2008-08-27T19:23:00.000-07:00

Read in a t-shirt ...

"If a man speaks his mind in a jungle and no women hears him, is he still wrong?"

... very funny :)

Success

2008-07-29T10:41:00.000-07:00

"It is not always the question of where you want to go and where you would like to be ... but, many a times the question is what you want to leave behind and how fast are you running away from it ..."

Amitabh on Press and Commercialism of it ...

2008-04-30T22:56:00.001-07:00

An interesting post from the Big B in his blog:
http://blogs.bigadda.com/ab/2008/04/29/day-11-2/

No judgment, no comments ... just like the way his thoughts flow on a topic that has been troubling me (and many alike) for some time ...

Indian News Channels, Stop It !!!

2008-04-24T22:18:00.000-07:00

As if the non-ending, nature defying soap operas were not playing their part, the Indian News channels have come to join the group.

Each time, I watch some elaborate dramatization of issues that are so nerve wrecking, it makes me sick to death!!! Shekhar often asks me to not watch the Hindi News channel, but what can I do. I have grown up seeing my father watch only the news channel and indeed they were such a pleasure to watch, when I think of it. The news then meant class and serious business!

Today, for instance, I just tuned in to a channel where the reporters were interviewing a 12 year old rape victim in front of camera, asking all sorts of questions and elaborating this with their interpretation of what the girl had said. First of all why would the parents allow that and secondly, where is the ethics and sensibility in journalism today??? I did not get or feel differently (other than this rage on the report itself), from hearing that young girl speak. The one line news about this incident, in itself was shocking and painful to hear!

I feel guilty of promoting this kind of reporting, by knowing that it is present and not doing anything to stop it. But, I really want to do something about it. I really want to!

One smile a day ...

2008-04-12T18:35:00.000-07:00

I have been hibernating from blogger for sometime as my priorities have shifted a bit ... will be back soon! Anyways, a thought just occurred to me and I wanted to pen it down.

How nice would it be, if a florist sent one flower arrangement a day to someone, just to brighten and freshen up that person's day. For the florist, it may not be a big deal but just a small gesture would really bring smile to some one. How nice it would be, if we just did something in the normal course of our day, not really going out of our way, to make someone's day ...

Seeing smiling faces all around would definitely make the world a great place to live. And we can do it - just one smile a day ...

26th January - India Celebrates

2008-01-25T22:12:00.000-08:00

59th R E P U B L I C D A Y

Prayers

2008-01-20T21:21:00.001-08:00

In my prayers, I often ask God for ... nothing. I believe that God knows everything and will grant me without my asking for it, when and what is right for me. However, in a book that I am reading, the author brings in a very interesting perspective about the specificity and deliberation of prayers. To make her point, she shares this lore.

A poor man goes to Church every day and prays before the statue of a great saint, begging, "Dear Saint - please, please, please ... give me the grace to win the lottery. " This lament goes on for months. Finally the exasperated statue comes to life, looks down at the begging man and says in weary disgust, "My son - please, please, please ... buy a ticket."

Now, if You were to let me win the lottery, God, will you also not create circumstances that will make me buy the tickets as well? I trust you - completely, blindly!

"The nation must be very worried about its ball"

2008-01-18T19:44:00.000-08:00

Just finished watching " MONGOLIAN PING PONG" - a charming movie that alluringly takes you to the far away world of Mongolia.

This is a story of 3 Mongolian kids who find a ping-pong ball and take it on themselves to find out what mystery the ball holds. Later, they learn [watching / hearing a tv show, this itself is a very interesting scene] that the ping-pong is a "National Ball of China". And so, now they start their journey to China to return the ball to the "Nation" because, they think "The nation must be very worried about its ball".

The innocence and originality of the characters and the un-adulterated way of showing the incidents makes the movie a charm to watch. This movie reminded me of "The weeping camel" for its similarity in the visuals and backdrop. Also, it brought to my mind another movie "The God must be crazy" where an aborigine runs around, trying to find out the mystery behind a "cocacola" bottle.

I would watch any of these three movies multiple time ... and I am sure, I will enjoy every single time.

Watch out for the stars ...

2008-01-10T23:35:00.000-08:00

... for when they shine, you may not have the faculty...

Yes, one such movie, that kept the entire audience seated in the theater until the last line of the credits scrolled from bottom to top and even after for some time.

One such movie, that made most of us thoughtful and speechless for quite some time...a movie that pinched through the skins of the most insensitive.

A simple story telling, a masterpiece of the art of film-making. "Taare Zameen Pe" is indeed, one of the best movies, I have seen in years. True to the core !

Once again, my favorite Actor and now the Director, Aamir Khan, has made me very happy!

Make a Difference!

2008-01-10T00:21:00.001-08:00

Shekhar recently shared this true story with me:

In LA, this person, gathered all street children - hooligans and complete misfit for the society and started teaching them Ball Dance. Obviously, there was a lot of contradiction, but when he declared his logic behind the action, all distracting noises hushed. According to him, teaching Ball Dancing to a girl, will bring in grace to the person and a talent that is appreciated in many places. This appreciation and talent will add confidence and she will do better, else where in life as well. Simply put, confidence has a very wider stretch! And his explanation to teach ball dancing to boys was inherent in the moves of Ball Dancing. As ball dancing requires the male partner to be respectful of the female partner and practicing this dance over and over again, will inculcate a feeling of respect towards the fairer sex, in these boys, who otherwise had no such sense. He was immensely successful.

I very much liked this story because of the learning that you can do simple, unconventional things to achieve goals of ulterior nature.

What is your WORD???

2008-01-09T21:43:00.001-08:00

I am reading this book, "Eat, Pray and Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. I have fewer words than I could use to express how inspiring I found this book. Thankfully, a practical, non-preaching "work-for-yourself" book. But, some other post for eulogies about the book. For now, I want to write about a thought that has made me reflect in a profound way.

From the book:
There is a philosophical dialog in the book between Gilbert and her friend, where her friend suggests that every city—and every person—has a word. Rome’s is “sex,” the Vatican’s “power”; Gilbert suggests New York’s to be “achieve,” and "LA's to be "Success". The point that is being made here is that it is the alignment of your "word" and the "word" of city (or another person, work place etc) that decides whether you belong there or not. For example, however much Gilbert liked Rome, she never felt belonged there. And later, realized that "Sex" was not at all her "word" during the time.

In my life:
Lately, I had started feeling very dis-oriented in some friend circles and I was trying to find an answer as to what could be wrong. This and many more personal experiences can very well be explained by personal "Word". How well will we do where we live, or with friends we meet. Realizing this personal "word" will take some time but, if I were to identify one now, a strong contender would be "Career". That explains that I will feel the most comfortable in surroundings that talk or enthuse me about my career. These are the places where I can very well relate to or people who I find most comfortable with - all the time commonly linked through the representative "Word". Can there be a word that is true for a lifetime?

So, what is your word. Think about it !

A Little More

2008-01-02T00:49:00.001-08:00

"A little more!"

Let's love fellow human beings,
Be friends, give, laugh, enjoy, work, party, think and feel ..
Thank and cherish our lives,
A little mo'
and remember the reasons, why we are 'here'.
Let's try making the 'small worlds' around us a better place ..
A little more ... !

"Happy New Year 2008"

[This was one of the new year wishes, I had received and felt made so much sense ... ]

I want to be a rapper ...

2008-01-01T20:37:00.000-08:00

Yo!

Indeed, being a rapper was one of the most outrageous "wake up with an idea" moments, I had in the year that was.

Apart from that, many such ideas made appearances ... some as cameo, left as soon as I could identify them. Some stayed on for longer...like the item numbers in Indian Movies, specially for their amusement value, I hooked on to them for some time. My idea of exploring the career of a chef was one such ... after finding out that there are about few hundred thousand active chefs working only in the bay area, the idea only did as much to amuse me and I took it no further. The culmination of this idea was my blog, where I perform all my rituals, being the chef of my kitchen.

Some ideas, however, stayed and haunted for much longer. They appeared and re-appeared in almost everything that I did. Ideas of a new venture in Marketing Consulting, has been one such and I spent a lot of computer time (which, in fact is all of my time) in thinking about the hows and whats!

In all, when I look back at 2007 and years earlier ... I believe that these ideas are what keeps me going. How horrifying would be a day, when I have no idea to think upon, or more time in hands than I need to fulfill all that I had planned to do! I mean what is the fun in life, when I am not required to juggle and shuffle ...

When, someone asks me about my resolution - I really do not have anything to say. But, I just hope that I have this positive outlook through out and keep churning as many new ideas as I can. At least, one of them will be a hit in the box office !!!

Rapper or a simple Product Manager,
Wife, daughter, sister, friend ...
I do and will keep wearing many different hats -
for all who I care for,
will do everything I can,
in 2008 and years to come!
Yo!!!

You are most welcome ...

2007-12-30T20:29:00.000-08:00

2008

Pictures speak louder than Words ...

2007-12-20T23:22:00.000-08:00

I just realized that I have not written for quite sometime here. I probably was busy cooking and writing about them in my food blog.

Well, I did have few thoughts that I wanted to write about, but now when I think, I do not seem to recall. If it was possible to capture thoughts at the moment they trespass your mind and transfer them to blogger instantly, that would be great. I know, cell phones and similar devices are there - but a more "mind-to-blog" kinda device would be great !

Anyways ... I received few Indian Cartoons through emails today and I could not help but chuckle. The spontaneous thought was 'pictures speak louder than words'.

The first one is an Indian Lady singing a classical song. The rest is evident in the picture.
In India, it is very common to have milk delivered at home by the Milk Man. This picture captures a very funny scenario.
Enjoy the holidays !

'P' for Priority

2007-12-09T01:14:00.000-08:00

In my professional life, my biggest prerogative is to set the priorities right! And I believe that priority has a very significant role in personal life as well. A sense of priority, if inculcated in kids, will enable them to make better decisions and will help parents, avoid the all so 'energy sucking' arguments, with their kids.

I have seen a girl abstaining from eating for 3 days, finally her guardians give in to her demand of Rs 18000 cell phone. She was still in school. I have seen arguments between parents and their kids for reasons like attending a late night party to buying 'that sexy dress' and from getting hairs colored 'red' to teachers reporting of 'bunked' classes. I am very much sure that these are common-place examples. While, in most cases you would want to accept a child's desire but at others you know better, and would like your child not go the path.

I am no expert - neither do I know, as yet, what works the best. But, I would want to tell all kids out there - 'know your priorities'. Next time, when you want to go out with friends and your mother does not allow you to - do not fret and fume - instead, just remember your priorities.

The moment you realize that your un-granted wishes are no ways related to the priorities you have set for this phase of your life, you will not feel dejected. You will not be charged with negative energies (read rebel, emotional stress, withdrawal etc) but, you will be focused to out grow your potentials and live up to your priorities.

It is up to the parents to sit with their kids, early on, and help them set the priorities in their life - and of course, set a good example by introducing the 'P' for priority in their life styles as well!

Next time when you say "Why me?" remember 'Charlie'

2007-12-02T20:46:00.000-08:00

"ALS forced them to answer
impossible questions...with possibility
-- private peril...with personal faith"

This is the phrase that gets my attention on the home page of Charlie Wedemeyer website.

So many times, I have heard friends, family members and even myself ask this most vulnerable sounding question "Why me?" We usually look around and feel "No, I do not deserve this. Then, why me?" Of course some problems test all our "grit and hold" and unsettle us. And it takes a huge amount of patience and faith to get past the problem.

Today, when I read the story of Charlie Wendemeyer in San Jose Mercury News, it became so obvious -".. pain and suffering is inevitable. We're all going to experience it. But misery is optional". Charlie, a full of life active football coach suffered from Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS), a disease that degenerates the body and is known to kill fast; while he was still in his thirties. Today, after 30 years, Charlie is well alive - and not just alive, he and his family is a living testament of the fact that faith and love can win over everything!

I am touched by the character of Lucy, Charlie's wife. When Charlie announces his disease to his wife in 1984 and explains the plights of living with it, Lucy says "We would rather have you like this, than not have you at all." And she did that! Also, worth mentioning is the fact that inspite of such a tough situation at home, the family survived well! Their son is a Stanford doctor and daughter runs the Charlie Wedemeyer Family Outreach, raising money for ALS families.

Indeed, hats off to the family. When I hear now someone say that they are afraid to commit, I think they better be. Not because, of the silly feeling of being trapped or loosing personal space - but because it takes a lot of sacrifice and responsibility to raise and keep a Family! Say "I do", only when you are ready for this level of commitment.

Thanks "Mercury News" today, for not telling me of yet another road accident or rape or a murder .. but strengthening and renewing my sense of faith.

Impression Management

2007-11-29T01:37:00.000-08:00

From "Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much" By Anne Wilson Schaef

And yet, all these years I'd been terrified I would be stoned to death if people saw through the facade. - Sara Davidson

How much time and energy we spend in impression management! We firmly believe that if we just dress right, others will think we are professional, intelligent, competent, and in control. We believe that if we just dress right, others will think we are attractive, sexy, desirable, and worth knowing. We think that if we are just caring, understanding, and constant enough someone will want to be with us.

We have such terror that someone will see through our facade and discover (our greatest fear!) that no one is there. We believe that if people really know who we are, they would have no interest in us. We believe that it is our impression management that keeps us safe.

OF COURSE, if someone falls in love with my impression, they aren't loving me, they're only loving my image.

This is a note to myself and all my women friends...

Relax and let go ...

2007-11-26T11:21:00.000-08:00

"A cloud does not know
why it moves in just such a
direction and at such a speed,
It feels an impulsion ... this is the place to go now.

But the sky knows the reasons
and the patterns behind all clouds,
and you will know, too, when
you lift yourself high enough to see beyond horizons."

~Masiah in the Illusions

Detach yourself of the clouds of negative thoughts ... relax and let go. You and only you can do it!

The Invisible Cat

2007-11-26T11:00:00.000-08:00

From Learning how to Learn by Idries Shah:

"But you must start where it counts: you cannot start halfway along and expect results. Mark Twain advertised as a hoax, that he had lost a cat so black that it could not be seen by ordinary light, and wanted it back. Nearly a thousand people contacted him claiming to have seen it. Would you begin to teach people or at least people in such a state of mind, anything?"

Strangers ... who are you?

2007-11-08T14:24:00.000-08:00

"The man is in the garden, cleaning the fish pond. Suddenly, the front gate opens, "she" walks past the man, oblivious of his presence, heads to the couch, adjusts herself on it and falls asleep in minutes .. like a small child - innocent and in peace. The man's wife joins him in the garden and gets startled by the presence of a 'sleeping beauty'. They both do not know, who she is. The man hushes the wife. They let her sleep, while continuing to mind their own businesses. After some time, she wakes up, bows to the strangers, and leaves the house as silently, as she had entered. "

Unfortunately, this is not for real. This is from a Korean movie, I watched few days back called, "3 Iron". The movie was very interesting, but I am not going to describe the plot of the movie here.

I carried forward a thought from the movie. The thought about how we have alienated ourselves to these species we call as 'Strangers'. A stranger is someone who we do not smile to when we cross the streets, who we look at suspiciously, who we ignore ... so many of them all around - and still we wander lonely - but do not stop by and say hello to one of them.

I am very much from this world. I know, today, when brother kills brother and employers layoff employees working for decades, who would trust strangers? When all gains in life are measured against money and power, you need to keep 'your guards on' all the time.

Still! Ever since, I have seen the movie, I am romanticizing the thought about a world, which would be just like that - with no boundaries and no restrictions.

Where, we do not ask strangers - "who are you?" with suspicion!

To you, this Karwachauth ...

2007-10-31T17:25:00.000-07:00

What do I do to show that I love you and care for you the most? Actually, nothing! That is the love between us - we really do not need to do anything for one another and still feel the love in everything about and around us.

There are several stories that suggest why one should fast for Kawachauth. But, my purpose is very simple. This one day, I filter out every other feeling, senses from my system, and survive just on the essence of love.

This Karwachauth, while you were away, I was waiting for the moon. Usually, when I see the moon through the sieve, I share a smile with the moon - and the moon winks back and tells me, "There is only one besides me, who lightens up the darkness surrounding you - look at him now" and I abide by and look at you.

I waited, until midnight. But, could not see the smiling moon in the sky. Was I disappointed? Surprisingly, no! All the while, I looked up the sky, though I could not see the moon, I could see a part of the sky that was bright. There was this mysterious blaze like radiance in the sky, that made me believe that the moon was right behind, hidden - but, smiling at me, as usual. Not for once, did I feel that I did not see the moon.

And not for once, did I feel you were not right next to me holding the glass of water. All around the house, I can see, you are smiling at me. Sometimes, when I smile at the white walls, my friends might think I am crazy. But, you know right?

And can you imagine, if a hidden moon pleases me so much, what would a full moon do?

Whats are you reading today?

2007-10-24T17:06:00.001-07:00

Browsing through a blog, I found this interesting array of books. And the idea to highlight the books I have already read seemed quite interesting. Needless to mention, I need to catchup...

Most of the books that I read these days are management related, but I need to get on my fictions. These days I am reading - Innovator's Dilemma and Innovator's Solutions.

1. The DaVinci Code (Dan Brown)
2. Angels and Demons (Dan Brown)
3. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
4. To Kill a Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
5. Gone With the Wind (Margaret Mitchell)
6. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien)
7. 1984 (George Orwell)
8. Who Moved My Cheese? (Spencer Johnson)
9. The Inscrutable Americans (Anurag Mathur)
10. Falconer (John Cheever)
11. A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry)
12. A House for Mr. Biswas (V. S. Naipaul)
13. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Rowling)
14. A Painted House (John Grisham)
15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)
16. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (Rowling)
17. India in Slow Motion (Mark Tully)
18. The Stand (Stephen King)
19. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Rowling)
20. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
21. The Hobbit (Tolkien)
22. The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
23. Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)
24. Transmission (Hari Kunzru)
25. Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
26. The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
28. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (C.S. Lewis)
29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
30. Tuesdays with Morrie (Mitch Albom)
31. Dune (Frank Herbert)
32. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
33. 1984 (George Orwell)
34. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
35. The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
36. The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
37. I Know This Much is True (Wally Lamb)
38. The Red Tent (Anita Diamant)
39. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)
40. Shalimar the Clown (Salman Rushdie)
41. The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
42. Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella)
43. The Five People You Meet in Heaven (Mitch Albom)
44. The Bible
45. Anna Karenina (Tolstoy)
46. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)
47. Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)
48. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)
49. Bleak House (Charles Dickens)
50. The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)
51. A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens)
52. Girls of Riyadh (Rajaa Alsanea)
53. Great Expectations (Dickens)
54. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald)
55. The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)
56. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling)
57. The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)
58. The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)
59. In Xanadu (William Dalrymple)
60. Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
61. The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
62. War and Peace (Tolstoy)
63. Interview with the Vampire (Anne Rice)
64. Fifth Business (Robertson Davis)
65. One Hundred Years of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
66. This World is Flat (Thomas Friedman)
67. Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)
68. Les Miserables (Hugo)
69. The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
70. Bridget Jones’ Diary (Fielding)
71. Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)
72. Beloved (Toni Morrison)
73. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)
74. The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett)
75. The Summer Tree (Guy Gravriel Kay)
76. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)
77. The World According to Garp (John Irving)
78. The Diviners (Margaret Laurence)
79. Notes to Myself (Hugh Prather)
80. Silence of the Lambs (Thomas Harris)
81. Of Mice and Men (Steinbeck)
82. Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier)
83. Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind)
84. Emma (Jane Austen)
85. The Selfish Gene (Richard Dawkins)
86. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)
87. From Russia, With Love (Ian Fleming)
88. Black Beauty (Anna Sewell)
89. Kane and Able (Jeffrey Archer)
90. Animal Farm (George Orwell)
91. Lord of the Flies (Golding)
92. The Good Earth (Pearl S. Buck)
93. Sons and Lovers (D. H. Lawrence)
94. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum)
95. A Suitable Boy (Vikram Seth)
96. White Oleander (Janet Fitch)
97. A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)
98. Matilda (Roald Dahl)
99. Ulysses (James Joyce)
100. Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)

Dhunuchi Dance, Ramleela and my Black Saree...

2007-10-20T23:52:00.000-07:00

This was my third pujo in Bay Area, outside home - The TV was playing the non-stop routine of Durga Pujo celebrations all over India, on Hindi News channels. I turned off the television, cursing - "why do they have to show it all the time, as if making fun of me!" But, after three years, I have come to terms and have actually, started enjoying the Pujo. At least, you can see that everyone is trying their best to get the same fervor, smell, cadance of the pujo as back at home. Or, at least you are not alone to feel ... well you know !

Anyways, for today, Let me start in the reverse order of subject...

My black Saree - the designer saree that Didi had got me during my visit to India this June... is awesome! And awesome was the upper that Piyu had designed for the saree ...! So, I could not wait to be in the crowd in that black saree... Shekhar, after trying 3-4 coats / blazers - decided to wear the blue sweater that he always wears to work. I did not mind - after he got his hairs cut in the crew cut style yesterday - I am ok with him wearing whaterver he likes ! How bad can the dress-up be compared to those crew cut - and right on the Puja day. But then, he is not Shekhar for nothing :)

Anyways, while I was dying to get in the pandal and find someone who had a better saree than I had (which I doubted so much), there was some more wait in store for us. Parking! After juggling a lot from one parking to another and after resorting to some of Indian ways of finding a spot, we managed to get a place - after 15 minutes.

Dhunuchi - After I got down the car, I do not know how I got inside the pandal and what drew me right infront of the Mother, witnessing the Dhunuchi dance. I think, I was just pulled by some mystic force. I kept there standing, seeing one by one many dhunuchi dancers, swaying in frenzy to the tune of the drums and of the smoke that came out of the lamps in their hands. I kept looking at 'Ma' silently, without wishing for anything - but looking at 'Ma' I felt - she knew it all!

Ram Leela - Just when we were about to leave the Pandal, we went inside the temple and were amazed to see Ram Leela being played. It was indeed a pleasure, because even in India, I do not remember when I had last seen Ram Leela. Just yesterday we were teasing Shekhar about where he got his theatrical demeanors when he said he used to watch Ram Leela a lot during childhood. Anyways, it was perfect, because when Lakshman appeared on stage roaring against the injustice that Rama was faced with, they made it so real to the India Ram Leela, that the sound system went off - for 10 minutes, the technical disruption caused audience to enjoy the viewing even more. For some reasons, I felt Lakshman (could be Rama also) was the sound technician. Anyways, it resumed after a while and we saw until Lakshman cut Surpanaka's nose.

Well, tomorrow is Dashami. 'Ma' is all set to go back to where she came from ... We all will wait another year for her homecoming - May nothing change in any of our lives, if not for better!

Durga Puja and the "Dhai Sawaari"

2007-10-20T17:50:00.000-07:00

Being the youngest of all siblings and that too with a big gap has its own perks. Like, for Puja - not only Ma-baba would buy me clothes, but both my didi, jijaji and dada-boudi would send in advance (if they could not make it to home) clothes for puja. Showing off the clothes to friends and neighbors was a pre-occupation of the Puja times. While, some of my friends would keep their clothes hidden in the closet until the day of the Puja (which, I never could understand), I would make it a point to hang them out to show whoever visited us before / during Puja. And, if you do not know, I had a new dress to wear for Mahalaya and from Shashti to Navami, both times.

With its perk, there was an annoyance being the youngest. And that was the fact, that I never became an adult while at home. I have always remained a kid - for instance, we used to take 'rikshaw' to the Kalibadi and my Dad would hail one of those Riskshaw's standing under the shade during bright October noon and ask the old rikshaw driver, "Dhai Sawari (2.5 seat), Kalibadi. Kitna Loge (how much)?" I still remember the stare of that old rickshaw man. He would look at my Dad, then at my Mom and then stop at me. Mind you, these are the times, when I would be either in college or be at home on Puja vacation from my Office.

Another interesting part of Puja was the fact that since you are dressed in your best, you catch quite many eyes in the Pandal. For example, the guy who always wanted to talk to you in college, might muster the guts and say hello to you. And you would be so much in trance of the environment there, that you would infact smile back and talk a talk. It was perfectly fine to go to college few days later and give a "go to hell" kind of look to the same person whose outfit you complimented in the pandal.

During one of those incidents, when you were exctatic by the flirtatious glares of a handsome bengali from your college while waiting on for the Bhog to be served - my mother would shout at the very same guy and tell him "give this little girl some khichudi". "Ma!", would be all I could say then...

Well, today I am all matured. I manage complex and even more situations perfectly well. And I so well know that my Ma-baba have no doubt about it. But, on occassions as these ... when puja is around and I wear a saree (for the sake of it) and pretend to show it off, when there is no one around ... I yearn so much for someone to call me "Dhai Sawaari" and "that little girl" again ...

Ma - Baba, I miss you. Durga Puja .. where is "Pujor gondho" .. the smell of puja ... ?

[I have written about these incidents earlier also .. but every puja brings back the same old memories ... ]

It's you ...

2007-10-19T00:46:00.001-07:00

"Marriage means seeing her all the time... you wake up, she is there; you eat, she is there; you read, she is there; you watch tv, she is there; you are alone, she is there; you are in a crowd, she is there; you go to bed, she is there ... Sounds bad, isn't it? Not... if she is the right one ... and then you want to be with all the time! "

- Raymond advices Robert to get married to the girl he loves, in one of the episodes of 'Everybody Loves Raymond'

Durga Puja ....

2007-10-07T22:59:00.000-07:00

" You are my festival "

The difference is so striking ...

2007-09-29T18:29:00.000-07:00

I was surprised to know one day, that in some parts of India, against convention, groom side is offering dowry to the bride side. Next day, coincidently, I watched news on Television - a doctor was arrested for illegally aborting women with female foetus. And the location, an unused well, which he later revealed, unearthed thousands of girl foetus. This and the fact that states like Haryana has female to male ratio of 861 to 1000 and Chandigarh has female to male ratio of 706 to 1000, makes the dowry story seem quite reasonable. There are fewer girls per eligible bachelor in some parts of the country !The fairer sex is finally in demand!

I did not write about this earlier because, I believe in spreading positive thoughts. When more and more people talk about good things, then the good will become the reality. And, I firmly believe in this phenomenon!

What makes me write about this topic and bring this on surface is a very interesting social-advertisement that caught my attention; the image on the left above. This was issued by Government of Rajasthan. The discrimination begins early on. The following image is from our elementary text book that suggests that men get educated and get the best of the world and women work at home and serve all; the difference is striking.

There is nothing grammatically wrong in the vowel and consonant teaching there - but there is something terribly wrong in the mind-set and this needs to change.

Thou art the ruler of the minds of All People

2007-09-24T21:07:00.000-07:00

When I go on long drives, I like to hear gazals... specially Jagjit Singh, Mehendi Hasan... At home, I usually prefer the melodious romantic duets... while running on treadmill I like to hear hard rocks.

I have a thing for music and it does amazing things to me. Like, makes me happy, gives me company, motivates me, enlightens me ...

But there is one song (actually, it is not a song.. it is a symbol) that makes me feel proud, helps me stand heads-up and always brings my whole self together and gives me an identity. This is and will remain my best sound of music. It is the "Jana Gana Mana" the Indian National Anthem.

Once again, I love India ...

2007-09-24T20:55:00.000-07:00

And for exceptionally simple reasons...

My personal favorite in the Hindi Movie "Chak De" is a one liner from the movie. It is said during one of the hockey matches (I guess it was between India and England).

All the women of the Indian team were screaming out didi (sister) to each other in order to pass the ball and the coach of the England team asks one of his players: “I’m confused, which one of them is Didi?”

The simple fact, that we often address our seniors at college, in our teams, or our sisters friends as didi (or bhaiya) reflects our belief in relationship, the strength of bonds. It is not necessary but honestly, it does not harm either.

And living in America for 2 years (incidentally, which I completed yesterday) and meeting with people from all nations, I feel very contented in the fact that I was born and brought up in India.

Good Morning!

2007-09-19T01:53:00.000-07:00

It is almost 2 am now. Almost, all my family and friend that I know of, prefer to sleep at this hour. Today, early in the evening, I had pledged to myself that I will bring back something that I had lost for long, to my life. I am talking about "good morning".

The pre-requisite to my pledge was that I will sleep at 11:00 pm (to be able to wake up at 5:30 am). I have already missed the pre-requisite.

Coming back to the "good morning" factor - I realized that my life has just two times: office time and sleep time. There is no morning, no afternoon and no evening.

This is my attempt to bring them one by one, back to my life. I am not talking about the four reasons at all...just baby steps to a fuller life.

Will I have a "Good Morning" tomorrow? ... well, if I sleep now !

Just add up...

2007-09-19T00:45:00.000-07:00

Whenever life hits you adversely, and you just don't see a way out - it is more important that you add up to your share of joy.

Whether you want it or not, life offers you two buckets. Sometimes, the bucket of sorrow just piles up and it seems too heavy to bear. What do you do? Feel depressed, lost, retired ... this makes the bucket even heavier.

Instead, concentrate on the bucket of joy. Try each day, each moment to add some bit of joy. Anything that makes you happy, break free and do it now. The process will be gradual, but it will grow exponentially. And soon you will see the bucket of joy has balanced and outweighed the bucket of sorrow. And the best part of it is, heavier the bucket of joy becomes, lighter your heart feels.

Next time, when you feel depressed, treat yourself with something nice. Concentrate on the bucket of joy!

Only if I could understand this ...

2007-09-10T22:52:00.000-07:00

Can miles truly separate you from friends... If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there?

- Richard Bach

The "Wish Angel" Theory

2007-09-06T23:03:00.000-07:00

"Wish Angels work hard to collect wishes. Upon collection, these wishes are taken to the "Wish-Approver" who has the powers to grant the wishes. The approval process is based on rigorously reviewing the acts of wish-seekers. Believe it or not, the conversion rates are very low. This makes the work of wish-angels extremely tough, as they have to meet their wish targets.

Wish Angels need qualified leads. So, what do they do?

They 'halo' around people who have their acts right. This way, they collect wishes that have much higher chances of being approved and hence being granted. "
- This is Shekhar's theory of Wish Angels.

And I simply like to believe in it. Keep being good, wish angels are around you. And don't forget to make a wish!

2x2 of life

2007-09-06T21:56:00.000-07:00

2x2 is one of the most generic decision making models. It helps you compare competing choices to solve problems and make better decisions.

Infrequently, I write about management stuff in my other blog. But, here I am using the 2x2 to explain life, as it is... The idea came when I was chatting with Shekhar about life and its reminiscences, some days back. The matrix is self explanatory.

So, where does your life fit in? Where would you want it to be in?

Of Me and myself....

2007-09-05T23:55:00.000-07:00

It felt sadly funny ... I was feeding my fish with Tetramin flakes and at the same time tearing-off the sachet of dried vegetable mix for my- alone at home dinner - of instant noodle .

Was it the uncanny similarity of foods or my loneliness, but everything around the house seemed to be floating, including myself ... light and loose ... the house felt like a huge aquarium. I felt my companion in the fish, sharing about our lives - in our own waters ....

Well, I was just about to do something with the - now spilling out of the bowl noodle soup - for example slurp it, a steaming show of Sex and the City caught my attention. Carrie and friends were talking about dilemma between relationship and single-hood. Carrie used the acronym SSB - "Secret Single Behavior" . When loneliness has become a way of life - liked or otherwise - and is breached by the presence of significant others, how does one react?

Ironically, I was thinking on the contrary, of FFF - family, friends full-time.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I hear the water is cold and full of current there ... I can't swim past them now. Until then, it is time to keep floating.

The noodle soup is cold, smells unpleasant - will throw it in the sink. The fish ate its Tetramin. We are different.

Try to love the questions themselves ...

2007-09-05T23:27:00.000-07:00

I beg you ... to have patience with everything unresolved
in your heart and
try to love the questions themselves
as if they were locked rooms or books
written in a very foreign language.

Don't search for the answers,
which could not be given to you now,
because you would not be able to live them.

And the point is to live everything.
Live the questions now.
Perhaps then, someday far in the future,
you will gradually, without even noticing it,
live your way into the answer.

Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903

Life; it is good be there...

2007-08-19T17:54:00.000-07:00

"In dino, dil mera, mujhse hai keh raha
Tu khwaab saja, tu ji le jara
Hai tujhe bhi ijaazat, karle tu bhi mohabbat"

The lyrics of this song are deliriously soothing ... and each time I hear the song, I find emotions churn mystically in my heart! As, if long time back, in an elegantly engraved box, I filled all my loved possessions, sealed it with a kiss and hid it to be discovered ... yes ... just left it to be discovered. With the hope that may be one day when the box is found and the lid is open, the brightness of all that is within, will spread and engulf all that is around. The song does just that to me.

I was wondering, why I am not able to write poems any more ... how at one time, I could just sit down with my pen and paper and turn the most uneventful into something so jubilant...

Why I cannot find any articulated expression matching my love, in my attempt to write a love poem, for instance. This, many people will say, is the strength of love ... love is more potent than any word that expresses it. But, then I think it is only because I am thinking, I am comparing, I am using my mind. Yes, I am letting my mind rule, once again, my heart.

Heart is superfluous, mind is restraining.

Like this song says, dream ... live, a little. After all, life is a good place to be in!

Humble Pencil

2007-02-08T21:51:00.000-08:00

My inbox is often filled with Forwarded messages that I do not read. I do not have the heart to delete them also, thinking one day I will find some time and read them all.

Once in a while, however, I read them, especially if they come from a source I trust to be forwarding sensible emails. One such I received today and felt should be put on my blog page. This came from Shirley, coordinator from my XLRI course. It is about what we can learn from a pencil. Very simple, yet contains so recognizable facts. Thanks Shirley!

5 important lessons to learn from a humble pencil.
1. It tells you that everything you do will always leave a Mark (good or bad).2. You can always correct the mistake you make.3. The important thing in life is what you are from inside and not from out side (beauty is only skin deep).4. In life you will undergo painful sharpening which will make you better in whatever you do.5. Finally, to be the best you can be, you must allow yourself to be held and guided by the hand that holds you (complete subjection).

Cheers to my Man!

2007-02-07T19:42:00.000-08:00

Shekhar ... This song to you!

Because You Loved Me
For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

Cradle

2007-02-07T01:24:00.000-08:00

When thoughts flow faster for words to assimilate and form themselves, a picture happens!

2007-02-05T19:29:00.000-08:00

This is for me... II

Friday, February 02, 2007

Odd Somethings...
This is second in series of some oddities about myself. Last I had written in October and lets see, if things have changed since then...

Books I recently enjoyed
-----------------------------
1. Man who mistook his wife for a hat (Oliver Sacks)
2. Giants of Enterprise (Richard S. Tedlow)
3. Everyone Else Must Fail - Larry Ellison( Karen Southwick)
4. Nicholas Nickelby (Charles Dickens)
5. Aesop's Fables

All time favorite books
---------------------------
Gone with the winds

1. Catcher in the Rye
2. Anne of green gables
3. To kill a mockingbird
4. Jonathan Livingston Seagull
5. The Alchemist
6. Illusions / Across the Bridge forever / One
7. Tuesdays with Morris

One thing I want to do now
--------------------------------
Be with my mother and father

What do you stand for?

2007-01-27T20:21:00.000-08:00

Sometimes back I had written about an entrepreneur trying to balance between two wives, technology and business in my blog titled Engipreneurs. I guess, I like the two wives analogy and am trying to present it here again from a different angle.

A middle aged man had two wives, one much younger and the other of same age as himself. The younger wife wanted the man to look young and the older wife wanted the man to look his age. They both decided to take charge. So, younger wife plucked any gray hair the man had and the older wife plucked the black hairs. Man ecstatic with the attention he was getting didn't realize the fait accompli until he had no hairs left.

If one is always swayed by the principles of conflicting parties, the end result is, well, no result.

So, what do you stand for?

Create your own destiny

2007-01-27T20:12:00.000-08:00

There was a donkey amazed at grasshopper's crooning and disappointed in its own braying. When told that it was the grasshopper's diet of dew that made them such melodious, the donkey followed the same diet. Till, it died of hunger.

What is meat to one, may be poison to other. So, instead of following what others have, find our own talent and create your own destiny.

Smaller strides towards bigger goals

2007-01-27T19:54:00.000-08:00

Attempting to take all the nuts in the jar, a boy put his hands inside and grabbed a handful. But soon could not take his hand out of the small jar opening, without letting go some of the nuts in the hands.

In all the success stories that we read, success is not created in leaps, but in small steps. It is created and nurtured, till it becomes self-constructing. That is the nature of growth.

Take the first step now.

Force or Persuasion?

2007-01-27T19:25:00.000-08:00

Wind and Sun had a contest - which one was mightier of the two! And to settle, they decided, the winner would be one who would make a man take off his coat.

So blew the wind with all its might, as fiercely as it would in the wildest of storms - but stronger the wind blew, tighter the grip man had on his coat. He clutched on to the coat as his last resort - till the wind gave up.

Sun, on the contrary, just smiled. Its bright, gentle smile and pierced through the wind and clouds ... straight into the man's heart. He felt the warmth and a sudden desire to take off the coat and accept the sunshine in all its glory. He took off his coat and smiled back!

What force cannot achieve, persuasion does!

What is 26th January?

2007-01-26T13:06:00.000-08:00

Anniversary of Ahmedabad earthquake
(We were in Mahabaleshwar with parents)

My friend's wedding anniversary
(Where is he these days - his mail id?)

Ah! I remember, there was something about this date-
(Jan 26- Ahmedabad Earthquake, July 26 - Bombay rains, Dec 26 -Tsunami...)

But again, why holiday in India...
Oh Wow! Holiday on a Friday, a long weekend
(When is the next one for us...?)

Hmmm so, what is 26th January?
Do I have to be reminded that 26th Jan is Indian Republic Day?

May be 'chabbis janwary' would have worked better,
But then...!

Or date has lost all meanings in this Monday - Friday life?
May be yes! Meanings do change, differently though.

I am probably more patriotic today, sitting seven seas away from the land, forgetting the significance of this date as compared to when I would sit glued to the television watching live telecast of 26 Jan parade from Rajpath.

Today, I think more about India and what I can do for India.

I can afford to forget the dates of importance, but I will never make myself forget to think about India!

My solemn promise to myself, on 58^th Republic Day!

I am learning...

2006-11-09T17:04:00.000-08:00

Of all the learning in life, the most gratifying and truly rewarding is the learning that helps you become a good person.

We are so engrossed in fulfilling our ambitions, desires, winning over… that even one simple deed of goodness feels so overwhelming.

So, what is doing good things mean? My learning about life teaches me that any deed that is based out of expectation, reaction to something (good or bad) is not in the truest sense good. In our attempt to achieve big, we are essentially creating a conflict in the environment. And more ambitious we become, more insipid we get.

The worst effect of this is on –no one else- but ourselves. We end up pursuing the wrong things intently … and all at the expense of something so important – our inner peace.

This does not mean that we decay ourselves and do not reach out. Instead, we must prepare ourselves to lead life in a way that helps us to go to sleep with a smile and wakes us up with one – at the least.

It is far more encouraging when others discover our good qualities, without our help !

"O, call back yesterday, bid time return" - Shakespeare

2006-11-01T14:16:00.000-08:00

I was always slow to eat... It would take my mother a lot of time, patience, anger management to see me finish my meals. But if I was sleepy, it was a completely different story.

For example - afternoon naps. My school timings were from 8am to 1:00 pm (or so). And when I would be back from school, I would be so sleepy - that I could finish my food in a gulp. Sleep made my most difficult task (eating food) easy...

That was then...

Today, I eat fast as it is. I take heed of every suggestion that doctors, wise people make - but I do not get sleep. I am insomniac.

I always write about time. To me, time is the biggest entity of all. Every moment of life, every word spoken, every action taken... gets cealed in the frame of time. However, one wants, one cannot resume an action from that frame, or erase something that has alread taken place. Time leaves us so vulnerable...

On second thoughts, time leaves us with hope ... hopes about good times that will come, and that bad moments of past will be forgotten, and hopes about a life that we dream of - after all, everything is just a matter of time.

It is for these dreams and hopes, I guess, God created Time - so that everything does not happen at once!

My Baba ...

2006-10-31T17:11:00.000-08:00

You are destined to Fly!!!

2006-10-30T11:43:00.000-08:00

This is a testimonial for “the” best friend I have in my life…

“Kites always fascinated me. I used to stand on my terrace and watch. It always gave me a sublime pleasure to see - one, of the many kites, fight the crazy winds and settle above the turbulence to sore high in the sky. The rest is immaterial, I enjoyed the rise!

In several ways, it always gave me pleasure to fight all the odds, and be a winner. As I think about it now, I am convinced that winning or rather doing the right things that makes winners, just became a part of me. It was effortless, but very much my own. I won several games and lost a couple too; I stood first and at the same time got no rank in competitions. But my spirit to win never mellowed down.

Each of my endeavors had the same passion and honest dedication – I gave in my best each time. “

I wrote this for him because – “sometimes, people who are close know you better that you yourself do“!

This is for me...

2006-10-16T22:21:00.000-07:00

Odd Somethings...
When a teenager, I first read and liked "Gone with the winds" a lot ... even today I do. But back in those days, I also liked Mithun (may be his dancing)... Today, I cannot fathom what was it I liked about Mithun then (how could I ?)

Well, the crux of the matter is - 'it is fascinating to witness my own evolution'.

So, I thought .. why not capture it. May be try my likes and dislikes on litmus of time. So, this is a series where I will add few oddities about myself, and check again some time away from today.

Books I recently enjoyed
-----------------------------
1. Kite Runner
2. The curious incident of the dog in the night time (phew!)
3. The Mango Season
4. Zahir (and the Valkyries)
5. The Namesake

All time favorite books
---------------------------
Gone with the winds

1. Catcher in the Rye
2. Anne of green gables
3. To kill a mockingbird
4. Jonathan Livingston Seagull
5. The Alchemist
6. Illusions / Across the Bridge forever / One
7. Tuesdays with Morris

Movies I recently enjoyed
------------------------------
1. Little Miss Sunshine
2. Bicycle Thief

Movies I like and can instantly think of
-----------------------------------------------
1. Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind
2. Finding Neverland
3. Beautiful Mind
4. The Notebook

Places I dream about
-------------------------
1. Pyramids in Egypt
2. Jungles and places in Africa
3. Sunset (or sunrise) in New Zealand

One thing I want to do now
--------------------------------
Be with my mother

Make me happy
-------------------
1. Children
2. Innocense
3. Nature (blue sky... )
4. Shekhar (eh.. )

Sites I regularly visit (these days)
----------------------------------------
1. www.techcrunch.com
2. www.dailycelebrations.com
3. http://googleblog.blogspot.com/
4. en.wikipedia.org

That's it for the time being :)

Just...

2006-10-15T13:27:00.000-07:00

Thodi si zameen… thoda sa Asmaan…
Thodi si chaahat … thoda sa khwaab!

Touched with hues
Red, white, orange, sometimes gray…
In its grandeur,
Holds tales of seasons…
Each time, I look up,
The sky tells me…
Time is transient, beauty is never

Richness all around
Tall trees, green grass and pink flowers …
In its expanse,
Bears trails of ages …
Each time, I look far away,
The earth reminds me …
In moments of yesterday,
lies the beauty of tomorrow...

Dream, desire, rejoice now...
For, in it lies the visions of eternity

Take me back to that time...

2006-10-05T11:59:00.000-07:00

Yes, like every other child, even I fantasize about a time machine.

In all worldly senses, I am way beyond the age to be counted as a child, but just between my mother and myself, I am still very much a small child. And this blog is just for that core reason of my existence, of my identity, my ‘Maa’.

I want to build a time machine… not the one that takes me to the future, where aliens of today are no more aliens then… or the one that takes me to a tour of past, where I can march with Gandhi or be a muse of some Mughal prince… none of the popular destinations of a time-machine fascinates me enough!

I still want to build a time machine, and desperately want to do that. I want it to take me back to the times I spent with my mother and relive them once again. I want just one chance to act, respond and thank her differently.

When she suddenly felt sad and thought loudly that she missed her mother, I would switch off the television and go close to her. I would ask her about how she felt and plead her to tell me stories about her mother. I would never shush her and keep watching my favorite show on air.

When she oiled my hairs and tied them into pleats, I would smile back at her and run to look at my pretty face in the mirror. I would never grumble and swear to wash my hairs, first thing in the morning.

When she forced me to take an extra serving of food, or come to my study table with a glass of milk, I would give her a hug or smilingly accept it. I would never shout back and refuse her extra serving.

When she would complain about her arthritis pain, I would go running and apply balm, sit with her for some time and ask her, if I could do something for her. I would ask her a little later, if she is feeling better. I would never ignore her complaints and keep continuing whatever I was doing then.

When she would make something special for me, I would just devour it. Ask for more and plead her to make it again for me. I would not show my ‘no-interest’ attitude again.

When she took a dress out for me to wear, I would wear just that. I would never criticize her choice.

When she would come upstairs with me, I will never run and climb the top first. I would walk with her; follow her till the last steps.

When she would say what made her happy, or what she wanted, I would listen to it and make a note of it. I know my mother, she would never say it. So, I will ask her what would make her really happy and make that happen for her…

There is so much, I want to do once again, with and for my mother. I know, I was a good child, I probably did many things that I have listed above, but I never realized the importance then. I want to consciously live with her and thank God for each moment, I spend with her.

For now, after 6 years that I am away from my Maa, I feel like an orphan. I am still learning to walk, talk and live … lead my life without her. And believe me Maa, I am failing badly.

I have never been able to wake up in the morning or go to bed in the night for any day of these 6 years, without her thoughts and pains of not being close, in my mind. Like Shekhar says that memories should make you feel happy, I have still not mastered that art…

My time machine is just a fantasy, my wishful thinking… I know. But I also know… nature has its own way of healing. Like, suddenly, my dry hairs have started generating oils by themselves. I don’t need to oil them frequently and they look oily. I nowadays know, when I am hungry and pick up something to eat all by myself… and so more. I know Maa you are blessing me at every step.

Lastly, I remember, when we used to go to Durga Puja with Maa and Baba, he would howl for a rickshaw and ask “Dhai sawaari… kitna loge”? Wish I could smile back at the Rickshaw Puller’s glare and never make a sorry face all through the way. Also, when my college classmate and a volunteer of ‘Kalibadi’ would miss to give “bhaaja” on my ‘bhog’ plate and my Maa would call “you forgot the kid”, I would never feel ashamed all through my college days in facing that classmate or his friends.

For, today, I want so much for someone to call me just that, a kid.

Zara ruk ke...

2006-09-29T14:49:00.000-07:00

I liked this one...

Shaher ki es daud me daud ke karna kya hai?
Jab yehi jeena hai dosto to phir marna kya hai?

Paheli barish me train late hone ki fikr hai
Bhul gaye bhigte hue tahelna kya hai?

Serials ke kirdaaro ka saara haal hai malum
par maa ka haal puchhne ki fursat kise hai?

Ab ret pe nange pao tahelte kyu nahi?
108 hai chanel phir dil bahelte kyu nahi?

Internet ki duniya ke to touch me hai,
lekin pados me kon raheta hai jaante tak nahi.

Mobile, Landline sab ki bharmaar hai,
Lekin jigri dost tak pahuche aise taar kaha hai?

Kab dubte hue suraj ko dekha tha yaad hai?
Kab jaana tha shaam ka woh banana kya hai?

To Dosto Shaher ki es daud me daud ke karna kya hai
Jab yahi jeena hai to phir Marna kya hai?

Faith

2006-09-12T14:43:00.000-07:00

There will come a time when you believe everything is finished.
That will be the beginning.

Faith

2006-09-11T16:55:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when we’re waiting for God to speak,
He’s waiting for us to listen.

Fantasizing Death

2006-09-07T18:09:00.001-07:00

We all fantasize about life's events... who ever fanasizes about death? For mortal beings, including myself, death is an unspoken of territory... the least being a topic of fantasy.

However, the other day, while I was musing something - or was it the fluttering pages of orbituary infront of me ... whatever, but I started imagining about a funeral... "my" funeral. And in my imagination, I was seeing people who came to pay me the last visit.

Suddenly, it got me thinking, rather fantasizing about my death. And I started to validate the process with a renewed interest.

What does one do when one dreams, and plans ... life after 5 years / 10 years...? The desire to fulfill ones dreams is a great motivator. I started fantasizing my death and some of the things that will be associated with me during my last journey, with probably similar thoughts.

The motivation was the desire to make those fantasies come true and the requirement was the efforts I put in, the passion with which I pursue and the belief I have in them; to fulfill the fantasy.

So, what do i fanatasize about... Many things, like people present at my funeral (from celebrities, leaders... to no one), people remembering me for, who will I die as (a mother, a wife, a celibrity, ..... a 'no one') etc.

Now you see, If I feel strongly about my fantasy, I have a life time to make it come true ! I had a quote quite close to my heart "Dare to Dream and Dream to Dare". My fantasies about death has given me a much higher leap... and now I believe, if I have a fantasy, I am obliged to the nature, to God ... to myself, to start working for it... right away.

I also fantasize my orbituary - "Fulfilled Fantasies"

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

2006-08-26T23:16:00.000-07:00

By William Shakespeare

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course, untrimmed;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st,
Nor shall death brag thou wand'rest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to Time thou grow'st.
So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

Daffodils

2006-08-26T23:09:00.000-07:00

By William Wordsworth

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed--and gazed--but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

2006-08-26T23:03:00.000-07:00

By Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Song to Celia

2006-08-26T22:56:00.000-07:00

By Ben Johnson

Drink to me, only with thine eyes,
And I will pledge with mine ;
Or leave a kiss but in the cup,
And I'll not look for wine.
The thirst, that from the soul doth rise,
Doth ask a drink divine :
But might I of Jove's nectar sup,
I would not change for thine.

I sent thee late a rosy wreath,
Not so much honoring thee,
As giving it a hope, that there
It could not wither'd be.
But thou thereon didst only breathe,
And sent'st it back to me :
Since when it grows, and smells, I swear,
Not of itself, but thee.

From – Twenty Poems of Love

2006-08-26T22:39:00.000-07:00

By Pablo Neruda

I can write the saddest lines tonight.

Write for example: ‘The night is shattered
and they shiver, blue, those stars, in the distance’

The night wind turns in the sky and sings.
I can write the saddest lines tonight.
I loved her, sometimes she loved me too.

On nights like these I held her in my arms.
I kissed her greatly under the infinite sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could I not have loved her huge, still eyes.

I can write the saddest lines tonight.
To think I don’t have her, to feel I have lost her.

Hear the vast night, vaster without her.
Lines fall on the soul like dew on the grass.

What does it matter that I couldn’t keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.

That is all. Someone sings far off. Far off,
my soul is not content to have lost her.

As though to reach her, my sight looks for her.
My heart looks for her: she is not with me

The same night whitens, in the same branches.
We, from that time, we are not the same.

I don’t love her, that’s certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the breeze to reach her.

Another’s kisses on her, like my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body, infinite eyes.

I don’t love her, that’s certain, but perhaps I love her.
Love is brief: forgetting is so long.

Since, on these nights, I held her in my arms,
my soul is not content to have lost her.

Though this is the last pain she will make me suffer,
and these are the last lines I will write for her.

Stop all the clocks...

2006-08-26T22:37:00.000-07:00

By W.H. Auden

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

Dreams

2006-08-26T22:31:00.000-07:00

By Langston Hughes

Hold fast to dreams
for when dreams die
life is broken-winged bird
that cannot fly.

Hold fast to dreams
for when dreams go
life is a barren field
frozen with snow.

I carry your heart with me

2006-08-26T22:13:00.000-07:00

By E.E. Cummings
I carry your heart with me
(I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it
(anywhere I go you go,my dear;
and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)

I fear no fate
(for you are my fate,my sweet)
I want no world
(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart
(I carry it in my heart)

Poems - that touch my heart

2006-08-26T22:10:00.000-07:00

I have few poems that are very close to my heart... next few postings, i will put them in my site.

These are the feelings, expressions, wishes... poems - i carry in my heart.

The sun has set

2006-08-07T12:45:00.000-07:00

She stood there watching;

The gray blinds
move slowly,
Covering under their sheath
the last few strips of orange;

Vanquishing -
the luminous magnificance;
Obscuring -
the transperant scape;

The black expanse
spreads evenly,
Covering under its sheath
the last few shades of life;

She stood there watching;
Once again -
The Sun has set.

Yes, I do...

2006-07-24T12:03:00.000-07:00

Wedding vows
“I Take you,
To be my ;
To have and to hold,
From this day forward,
For better, for worse,
For richer, for poorer,
In sickness and in health,
To love and to cherish,
'Till death do us part.”
----------
The Two
Any language, any religion,
Any place under the sky….
Said or often, not;
Kissed,
Or just a demure glance;
White, red or green…
With heart dressed alike;

Seek, to be promised,
Seek, to be believed;
To love and to cherish,
Till death and beyond;
----------
The One
I look far away and farther,
And I stay there for a while;
Some part of me never comes back.

Holding onto a fragile bond
Of trust;
And love?
And hoping, that one day,
You will promise again, and
I will believe again -
“Yes I do”
Then, I will come back,
In entirety; forever;
Yes I will.

Void

2006-06-07T16:43:00.000-07:00

Words
Faces
Arts
Without Expressions

Families
Celebrations
Summers
Without Children

Dates
Past
Present
Without Moments

Love
Success
Justice
Without Wait

Love
Pain
Discovery
Without Tears

..... are all Void

Listen !

2006-05-24T10:34:00.000-07:00

And just listen. Do not suggest, comment or advice.

There is NO way in which you can understand the concerns of a person, unless you have gone though the crisis yourself.

Inspite of being social animal, people are actually very much alone. And all they need is a tree-hole to shout their secrets, pain and anger in.

So next time, when you give an advice or talk ‘big’ just ask yourself – “Do the shoes fit me well?” Else, just listen!

Look I shall not into thy eyes!

2006-05-08T22:35:00.000-07:00

Trying to paint a shade darker of life...

Look i shall not into thy eyes ,
and search for pastures green ,
where idled our loving souls ,
fostering dreams in dew pearls...

Look i shall not into thy eyes ,
and see the addled sky droop,
where entangled all our hopes,
weaving a maze with infinite stars,

Look i shall not into thy eyes,
and find the boundless waves captive,
through which once egressed all sorrows,
saving laughters in the golden sands.

Look i shall not into the eyes,
for the eyes which smiled to me,
and nurtured my dreams to bloom....
no longer reveal the mystic love.

Look i shall not into thy eyes,
for no more do i get lost in them...
Look i shall not into thy eyes,
and gasp in their immense depth !

Yosemite trip- A life renewed....

2006-05-02T13:03:00.000-07:00

Watch out for my experience and reflections during my visit to Yosemite National Park...

Smiles....

2006-03-30T23:44:00.000-08:00

... start from the heart. When you see or feel something that fills up your heart with ardor and eyes with misty shimmers, your lips instantaneously curve into that eternal smile. So easily distinguishable from fake, so enchantingly divine....

My friend sent across her daughter's pictures today. She will be a year old this August. There was no conversation, no activity - just the picture of beautiful 'Sara' infront of me... and I felt the same warmth in my heart, my eyes were moist and I was smiling... a smile that lingered for long.

Children always do that to me. I just close my eyes and see myself amidst children all around... laughing, playing, cuddling... and the scene makes me so happy. I guess, my heart starts beating as if resonating with a 2 year old jumping on a spring ... and I smile... :)

Sara, today's smile to you!

Holi

2006-03-14T23:12:00.000-08:00

It is really wierd today to imagine that Holi used to be my favorite Indian Festival. I still recall, while waiting for family/friends to arrive, I used to color my face myself. I can still see my mother laughing at me. Buying baloons, hanging out with friends, planning tricks, the 4 in one scooter ride across the city ... It really couldn't be my story... I think I have come a long way.

Now Holi for me is adding a shade of color to my day to day activities....And after every 365 days I look back and see how I have filled the canvas of life with vivid colors and then I celebrate Holi - the festival of colors!!!

Start painting today!

The middle path

2006-03-11T22:26:00.000-08:00

I saw "Banger Sisters" today. And something in the movie just caught my attention. To me the story was of two extremes. There was "do nothing" at one extreme and "over do" at the other. And I am talking about change here. While, Goldie Hawn did nothing to change herself, Susan Sarandon overdid and completely changed into a new person.

Sooner or later, life gets morbid, if lived on extremes. And not everyone gets someone who would show the "middle path", before it is too late.

My take on this is - spend some time just with your own self; often. And help yourself not getting lost in an attempt to create a new you.

Full- Circle

2006-03-11T19:52:00.000-08:00

Questions about existence, life, love, success, future, death, beauty, heart, health, birth, fame, relationship, pleasures, beginnings, ends, in-betweens, you and me.

Looking at the sun set, I ask questions and wait for the morning sun, to bring answers...

What is your color?

2006-03-05T22:35:00.000-08:00

Red.. pink.. white? What is the color of your blood? Is that blood that flows through your veins or is it just water? Who did you kill today? And who did you bribe? Which rapist did you just let go? Did you just lie about the deal? BY THE WAY, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE???

Yes, who do they think they are? How can some one kill a young girl infront of so many people around and JUST BE DECLARED INNOCENT!!! I am not an authority on law. But I can SEE Lawlessness. Rather, I can NOT see Lawlessness !!!

I saw "Rang De Basanti".. though I think violence is not the answer to all the corruptions, but the movie did have an impact. If anything can turn India into "INCREDIBLE INDIA" then, it has to be a revolutionary movement... there has to be a change of mindset... there has to be a war... a war based on ideologies.. a war the Gandhi way !

The movie also reflects how powerful media can be. And then I thought why can the revolution not begin from the glamor institution of India... Bollywood! What if the entire film fraternity decided to make movies that were only inspiring, only patriotic, only educating, the impact would be enormous. And if, all the movies are based on similar themes, movie watchers will have no choice, but watch one of them.

We really do not need to kill the bloodless, heartless species that are ruling the nation today. They will die their own death when the new, educated species brave the frontiers and decide to take the reins of nation in their control.

Lets get together and make corruption look such a stupid thing to do, that those who indulge in them, themselves stop being corrupt. Let us all be "RED".. Let red be the color, yours and mine.

I saw fire - a street dweller caught in fire!

2006-02-25T16:05:00.000-08:00

I saw fire today,
Cold and dry fire, from my AC car,
Meaningless to eyes,
Like yet another roadside act,
Incoherent, insignificant, intruding,
With a detached heart,
I saw fire today.

Atypical place and a wrong time,
What if there is a nude show of Penury or
A fiery dance of the Tandava,
Who cares for what fuels this fire,
Anguish, angst or anger
Busy traffic, late to office, self-occupation,
I drive past the fire, safely.

Sets of mobile, models of car, types of cuisine
I know all, but still can’t differentiate,
Between a stray dog, a pothole or
A poor man …
Who I saw caught in the fire today,
I cannot differentiate,
I simply avoid.

The Brick House

2006-02-25T16:02:00.000-08:00

Every noon, we used to play with bricks at the backyard
One day we made a doll-house.
We cooked food with rice and turmeric,
with a pinch of salt and chilli –
all borrowed from my mother’s kitchen.
It was not cooked on fire but still it was nice,
my mother said so.
It was quite an affair
when the doll house witnessed our doll’s marriage
and this time, mom gave some real food for the guests
We had invited the watchmen’s family for the wedding.
At home, others were celebrating
India’s victory over Pakistan in a one day match.
Next day, the doll house was broken,
Now right in the midst of the road were three pillars –
We needed wickets for our match of cricket.
Every day the bricks transformed into varied shapes…
And we saw all shades of dreams in those saffron solids
Until one day, when my father took a day off from work
And had the watchman gather all the bricks….
that were lying “uselessly” in the backyard-he felt.
My study room was getting constructed.
Remains of my crushed playmate
were like the drops of tears in my eyes….
Heavier than the rectangular weights was the feeling of loss….
I was taught to write my name in the school,
So I ran and scribbled proudly my first autograph.
Today after 25 years, I am sitting in the study room.
It is vacant for last 10 years….
Books adorn the shelves but loneliness prevails all around.
Amidst memoirs of several charts on the painted walls,
I can see vivid images unknown to many.
I am sure my mother visits the room often
to look for what I am trying to see now….
The brick with my name inscribed.
I know the room is vacant for 10 years now,
But my mother finds me here every day…
Strongly holding the memories of my childhood
In the brick house that I created years back.

© Amita Paul 2004 23rd December

Marriage

2006-02-16T18:12:00.000-08:00

... something, if at all, is discussed as a subject matter of some joke. We, i mean the married ones for significantly long period of time (>2 years atleast), start taking marriage "too much for granted". We associate marriage with mostly things that it does, helps family, sometimes problems, sometimes solutions. No wonder for most, it starts becoming a burden, a cage and hence, ofcourse a subject matter of joke. You laugh it out, when you can't do anything else !

Recently, one of my friends got married and he made me think about marriage, again. He is same, simple guy, who doesnt express a lot. But I can see how happy he is. Earlier, he left office to go nowhere or wherever! Now, he leaves office (mostly on time) to head off straight home. He knows there is someone waiting the whole day just for him to return. Suddenly he has a purpose in life, not earning money, or achieving fame, purpose to be just with someone who equally wants the same from him. And I think this is the strength of marriage.

Most of us, find all the energy to fight work pressures and stresses of life just because of this strength that marriage has given us - a strength that is not acquired, or given, it is inherent! Now after happy and strong five years of my marriage, seeing my friend so happy and complete, somehow refreshes my vows and I suddenly attach even more values to my commitment.

Do kind Samaritans exist?

2006-02-11T13:24:00.000-08:00

I grew up believing, if I was right, everything was going to be right with me. This belief stayed with me for quite some time. But, I dont know when and how, but with time, I started loosing faith in many things. I became more cautious about people, places, situations etc. An apprehension, leading me to think beyond the obvious, lingered in most of my dealings. I started believing, the world is a tough place to live and I have to be careful! CAREFUL, Yes !

I so much want to revive my belief of yester years, but nothing in the environment backs me up. Today, I happened to see Nicholas Cage and Bridget Fonda movie, "It could happen to you". Simple story but it helped!

So I ask, do kind samaritans exist? If they do, I urge them to show up. To bring back my lost faith and show direction to many aimless survivors struggling to be the fittest.

Working on dream !

2006-02-10T22:08:00.000-08:00

So what if I started this blog 5 months back (not a long time back eh…), I just wrote my second blog yesterday and today here I am again! So, to me and to all my audiences ( 0 comment is not an indication of 0 audienceJ )… I AM HERE TO STAY!

Every morning when I wake up, I kind of think about my dreams. Mostly, I do remember what it was and feel surprised to have had seen that in the first place!!! It is so dramatic, at times supernatural and hardly something that would make me, say, feel happy.

Freud analyzed some dreams and made many of us believe that dreams are what we consciously or otherwise think/do etc during the day that finds expressions in our dreams. Bless me, for if my dreams were to be expressions of my thoughts said or otherwise, I should have been orbiting in some celestial dimensions now.

But that makes me think again about my dreams. Yours too! What if, we could plan our dreams? I mean, we sleep for 8-10, ok 12 hours on an average daily, and we wake up with dreams we won’t want to own? So, imagine, if we could for instance decide, ok, I want to dream about me winning the jackpot in Las Vegas (be modest to start with), and that is it. I don’t want to spoil the pleasant surprise part of seeing how it happens. Then I can wake up feeling happy! I can go and buy the book “Gambling for Living” and next possible week-end, head-off to Vegas. Who cares if I win or not, I would be having a new dream to pursue by then. Doesn’t it give a better sense to the phrase “when you are given a dream you are also given the power to make it come true” – After all this is your dream now, you own the responsibility for it!

To top it all, the 12 hours of your life are also in your control now!

So, when are you sleeping today? Or should I ask, what your agenda for Dream today?

2006-02-09T18:15:00.000-08:00

What if…..

What if I wasn't in any way me...
would I still be I?

Or would you be me?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For the less spirited and more ambitious souls as mine, day dreaming is an essential means. There is no greater indulgence than to manipulate all the cases and factors of life’s events. This has several benefits, if you see. Since you have thought it all over, you know that you could do it, if you had wanted. So, you have achieved. The chances of failure are zilch. Finally, you do not have to bother about all extra that you need to do – hard work to sustain your success! And what are the side effects? You have a strong likelihood of becoming a thought leader. You have thought almost everything over in your mind and are one perfect place to go to and spend time with. How ideal, this all looks! But for the multitude of such category of day-dreamers, life isn’t so easy. It is extremely difficult to do nothing about your dreams. So, you make efforts and then you think why I didn’t do it the other way. And soon the series of ‘what-ifs’ follow.

“For every action that you take, there are several alternative actions (including no action at all) that give immense possibilities of ‘what-ifs’”

From the moment our parents decide to give us birth, our “what-ifs” have started. At what age of their life, in which city, during which season, how many siblings, so on and so forth all add up to give alternatives to our course of life. The life of the eldest is not similar to that of the youngest; growing up as one child is not same as growing up with four siblings etc. And this is just the beginning of our being. Imagine all the possible forks in life where the path we followed was chosen, by others or by ourselves. It requires mind boggling algorithms to ascertain the path that would have been the best. And bring in the elements of dependencies and inter-dependencies; it is clearly a bad idea.

And... "what-if" continues...

First diwali abroad...

2005-10-30T20:40:00.000-08:00

Well this may sound a bit depressing... cant help it.. !

I dont feel any different that I am celebrating Diwali in USA.... where you are not allowed to fire crackers... where you meet up in a community center, where every one wants to force the thought in the atmosphere that "It is Diwali..celebrate !!!" The air doesnt smell of the festivital, the market doesnt go mad with shopping extravaganza.... No ! There is nothing that can anyway bring you even a bit closer to diwali as in India. So people, however much they try to find a way out, deep within know that these are all make-believes! Reality is they all miss Diwali.

I still do not feel the aching.... that is to say any new sting of pain. I have reached the states only a month now.... but I feel I am away from home for 5 years now. I left home, when I started on my own.... Since then, there's always been an aching... any place in the whole world, other than the place where I grew up...remained and will be an alien ! I might create a new world... but I would always be the creator.... not a part of it..... It is very difficult to detach oneself from the home that saw you grow. I try my best, but cannot ceebrate any festival with the zest of those days... Is it the people I used to be with or the place, I do not know... Only I know is a longing for something, that I know I have left back 5 years back....

I dont know, if I can again become a part of that circle... that pulls me inside .... taking away my longingness... giving me the peace of mind and the joys of small moments... that are not tied with occassions or place !

I am looking for that happiness, that is within me... the light that enlightens my heart.... an eternal smile that never leaves my lips...

I want to celebrate Diwali, again!