Dreams

This is a testimonial for “the” best friend I have in my life…

“Kites always fascinated me. I used to stand on my terrace and watch. It always gave me a sublime pleasure to see - one, of the many kites, fight the crazy winds and settle above the turbulence to sore high in the sky. The rest is immaterial, I enjoyed the rise!

In several ways, it always gave me pleasure to fight all the odds, and be a winner. As I think about it now, I am convinced that winning or rather doing the right things that makes winners, just became a part of me. It was effortless, but very much my own. I won several games and lost a couple too; I stood first and at the same time got no rank in competitions. But my spirit to win never mellowed down.

Each of my endeavors had the same passion and honest dedication – I gave in my best each time. “

I wrote this for him because – “sometimes, people who are close know you better that you yourself do“!

Odd Somethings...
When a teenager, I first read and liked "Gone with the winds" a lot ... even today I do. But back in those days, I also liked Mithun (may be his dancing)... Today, I cannot fathom what was it I liked about Mithun then (how could I ?)

Well, the crux of the matter is - 'it is fascinating to witness my own evolution'.

So, I thought .. why not capture it. May be try my likes and dislikes on litmus of time. So, this is a series where I will add few oddities about myself, and check again some time away from today.

Books I recently enjoyed
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1. Kite Runner
2. The curious incident of the dog in the night time (phew!)
3. The Mango Season
4. Zahir (and the Valkyries)
5. The Namesake

All time favorite books
---------------------------
Gone with the winds

1. Catcher in the Rye
2. Anne of green gables
3. To kill a mockingbird
4. Jonathan Livingston Seagull
5. The Alchemist
6. Illusions / Across the Bridge forever / One
7. Tuesdays with Morris

Movies I recently enjoyed
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1. Little Miss Sunshine
2. Bicycle Thief

Movies I like and can instantly think of
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1. Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind
2. Finding Neverland
3. Beautiful Mind
4. The Notebook

Places I dream about
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1. Pyramids in Egypt
2. Jungles and places in Africa
3. Sunset (or sunrise) in New Zealand

One thing I want to do now
--------------------------------
Be with my mother

Make me happy
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1. Children
2. Innocense
3. Nature (blue sky... )
4. Shekhar (eh.. )

Sites I regularly visit (these days)
----------------------------------------
1. www.techcrunch.com
2. www.dailycelebrations.com
3. http://googleblog.blogspot.com/
4. en.wikipedia.org

That's it for the time being :)

Thodi si zameen… thoda sa Asmaan…
Thodi si chaahat … thoda sa khwaab!

Touched with hues
Red, white, orange, sometimes gray…
In its grandeur,
Holds tales of seasons…
Each time, I look up,
The sky tells me…
Time is transient, beauty is never

Richness all around
Tall trees, green grass and pink flowers …
In its expanse,
Bears trails of ages …
Each time, I look far away,
The earth reminds me …
In moments of yesterday,
lies the beauty of tomorrow...

Dream, desire, rejoice now...
For, in it lies the visions of eternity

Yes, like every other child, even I fantasize about a time machine.

In all worldly senses, I am way beyond the age to be counted as a child, but just between my mother and myself, I am still very much a small child. And this blog is just for that core reason of my existence, of my identity, my ‘Maa’.

I want to build a time machine… not the one that takes me to the future, where aliens of today are no more aliens then… or the one that takes me to a tour of past, where I can march with Gandhi or be a muse of some Mughal prince… none of the popular destinations of a time-machine fascinates me enough!

I still want to build a time machine, and desperately want to do that. I want it to take me back to the times I spent with my mother and relive them once again. I want just one chance to act, respond and thank her differently.

When she suddenly felt sad and thought loudly that she missed her mother, I would switch off the television and go close to her. I would ask her about how she felt and plead her to tell me stories about her mother. I would never shush her and keep watching my favorite show on air.

When she oiled my hairs and tied them into pleats, I would smile back at her and run to look at my pretty face in the mirror. I would never grumble and swear to wash my hairs, first thing in the morning.

When she forced me to take an extra serving of food, or come to my study table with a glass of milk, I would give her a hug or smilingly accept it. I would never shout back and refuse her extra serving.

When she would complain about her arthritis pain, I would go running and apply balm, sit with her for some time and ask her, if I could do something for her. I would ask her a little later, if she is feeling better. I would never ignore her complaints and keep continuing whatever I was doing then.

When she would make something special for me, I would just devour it. Ask for more and plead her to make it again for me. I would not show my ‘no-interest’ attitude again.

When she took a dress out for me to wear, I would wear just that. I would never criticize her choice.

When she would come upstairs with me, I will never run and climb the top first. I would walk with her; follow her till the last steps.

When she would say what made her happy, or what she wanted, I would listen to it and make a note of it. I know my mother, she would never say it. So, I will ask her what would make her really happy and make that happen for her…

There is so much, I want to do once again, with and for my mother. I know, I was a good child, I probably did many things that I have listed above, but I never realized the importance then. I want to consciously live with her and thank God for each moment, I spend with her.

For now, after 6 years that I am away from my Maa, I feel like an orphan. I am still learning to walk, talk and live … lead my life without her. And believe me Maa, I am failing badly.

I have never been able to wake up in the morning or go to bed in the night for any day of these 6 years, without her thoughts and pains of not being close, in my mind. Like Shekhar says that memories should make you feel happy, I have still not mastered that art…

My time machine is just a fantasy, my wishful thinking… I know. But I also know… nature has its own way of healing. Like, suddenly, my dry hairs have started generating oils by themselves. I don’t need to oil them frequently and they look oily. I nowadays know, when I am hungry and pick up something to eat all by myself… and so more. I know Maa you are blessing me at every step.

Lastly, I remember, when we used to go to Durga Puja with Maa and Baba, he would howl for a rickshaw and ask “Dhai sawaari… kitna loge”? Wish I could smile back at the Rickshaw Puller’s glare and never make a sorry face all through the way. Also, when my college classmate and a volunteer of ‘Kalibadi’ would miss to give “bhaaja” on my ‘bhog’ plate and my Maa would call “you forgot the kid”, I would never feel ashamed all through my college days in facing that classmate or his friends.

For, today, I want so much for someone to call me just that, a kid.